Sunflower Skins

July 26, 2010

Experiment 13: The Remnants of my Recipes, #1

Filed under: experiments, prose — Tags: , — Sunflower Skins @ 12:27 am

If you squish his brains, the head cooks slower, but you can collect the juices without tapping into it. The skull, I mean. If that sort of thing interests you. I’m not really one for the runoff, I must say; sloppy food isn’t really my ideal. Thanksgiving fatties who pile on three cups of gravy, let it drip its way to their mouths. They go around tucking each other’s napkins into their shirt collars and then burping with a hearty sigh. Expanding waistbands.

The interesting thing about my method of cooking is that I know how to enrich the body’s natural, low-fat and tasty nutrients. My technique is stellar, though I must be a bit modest.

And there is the added bonus of settling. Not many chefs realize that the brain juices—the bloody, mineral-rich, fluid which seeps throughout the cranium—will coagulate, or jellify, when put under extremely acute heat whilst still in the skull. Like a bowl, the skull will be the hole-in-one, homemade casserole dish, into which one inserts a blow torch tip; the juices gather, the brains cook, and the outside flesh remains untouched so that the final product can be created without chance of burning. The juices gathered upon the cooked grey matter should also be bubbly without boiling dry. After we finish torching the meat, allow twenty minutes for cooling. And this should ensure a good sauce.

After cooling, add the rest of your spices to the gelatinized layer and stir into the brain. This is probably when you want to scrap the sides of the skull for any stuck-on bits, as the second heat application often makes the thin, extra pieces of meat too tough to chew through, let alone scrape off. Cover mixture with a layer of cheese, some fresh parsley, and ground pepper, then cover the entire head with aluminium foil and put in a pre-heated oven at 350° for 45 minutes.

What, you say you can’t make something like this? That you don’t have the flair or the stamina? That’s mere proof of your dedication.

Let me see your FDA stamp of approval.

And in the meantime, please try a bite of this brainstew. I’m pretty sure you’ll like it.

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